.Wednesday, October 31, 2007
i feel like letting go...
11:38:00 PM
.Tuesday, October 30, 2007
I hear you calling me,
I hear your voice call my name.
Don't know where I'll go or come from,
I'm weak just trying to walk on.
Illness won't be healed just because you cried!
Just because you yelled!
Hope is just like a peice of trash.
I was starting to run to catch what you saw through your eyes.
I crasp your hand to make sure i won't let go.
And I'll keep the calling inside my heart.
it's just out of randomness. xD
3:59:00 PM
.Monday, October 29, 2007
today had PDS performances for naval base
primary and peixin primary. Performance in
peixin was quite okay, only that we were not
prepared for it because was busy taking photos
before that xD After that when back school for
training as the time was still so early before we
proceed on to naval base :D
Hahs. Funny. when we step into the hall, hidaya
and constance was like this girl in the photo look
so... ; which is vanessa. Lols. Than we three
kept asking teachers to look and guess who it was.
only mr tan guessed correctly than mr leong said
we didnt gave him chance to guess so because we
gave him the answer before he got the chance to
answer. And here's a very cute conversation by
the teachers :D [briefly]
Me: Hey, Mr Shafiq!
Mr Shafiq: Hey, Hello
[Miss Tay, Mr Wong and Principal all turned behind]
Miss Tay: Ooh, i remember you!
Mr Wong: Wa, you so bad. Only when Mr Shafiq here than you said hello to us! Shoo go away~
Hahas.
Me: No lor, just know i got said hello when i walked pass but no one seems to hear~
Principal: Hahas.
Miss Tay: You what rank?
Me: Corporal
Miss Tay: Why your rank not on your sleeve the?
Me: Eh? Since when ranks were on the sleeve the? Only NCC girls rank on the sleeve.
Principal: Miss Tay you used to be in what CCA?
Miss Tay: St John.
[All laughs]
Miss Tay: When my generation that time, ranks were on the sleeves~
Mr Wong: She NPCC mah. NPCC is police type so is always on the shoulder!
Me: Mr Wong, Wainee said she missed you~
Mr Wong: Oh! Tell her i miss her patch too~ And also tell her the party will be cancelled due to
the busy schedule.
Me: She say eeyer!
Mr Wong: Hahs.
Miss Tay: Is that bule uniform NCC air?
Me: Yep
Miss Tay: How come your school no NCC air, water and land?
Me: Eh? How i know? Ask my secondary school principal lor.
[All laughs]
Miss Tay and Principal: Bye~
Me: Bye~
[Than i went back to join my friends and Mr Lim went to sit with Mr Shafiq and Mr Wong]
Mr Lim: Come come.
Me: Eh?
Mr Lim: Let me see your badges.
Me: Oh okay.
Mr Lim: Not bad ah. Quite a lot of badges and this badge is the beginner drill badge right?
Me: No larh, its second class drill.
Mr Lim: Ooh, but i advance; red colour!
Me: Lor~ you NPCC huh?
Mr Lim: Yep and i still keep all my badges and ranks :D
Hahs. Thats about all :D After that went back school
and have lunch break. Went Dayana's house to eat
nasi lemak :D Hoho, and guess what? I learnt to eat
with fingers~ Dexter was the only one eating with
fork and spoon. Lols. After that went to buy bubble
teas than went back school. Saw mrs ong with kittens!
Hahs. Than we played with the kittens for a while.
Suppose to have training but was cancelled last minute.
Went Lemon' house after that :D
Takecare my Lemon! Get well soon~ :D:D
Debbie knock some sense into me last saturday. She was right, i always dont feel
like going church and i dont know why. And she asked me "Who is God to you?"
and i didnt expect myself to reply "He means nothing to me." Yea, the reply was
so... She reminded me that im no longer new, and does all my experiences with
God in the past was just a dream? Its not that i never experience him before and
because of that i know that past ecperiences were not fake. But also because of that
am i still going to say i dont know Him or He means nothing to me? I had been sitting
on the fence for too long, yea too long. And i going to choose between either that im
going to be very cold to Him or that im running to Him... [im so confused.]
9:13:00 PM
.Sunday, October 28, 2007
我好想看 日出和 日落. ):You will only know what i mean and how i felt,
If you understand me.
5:02:00 PM
.
❤ I LOVE CHEW.E.ONE !i miss 2E1! ):
❤ Friends Forever ;
And so we talked all night about the rest of our lives
Where we're gonna be when we turn 25
I keep thinking times will never change
Keep on thinking things will always be the same
But when we leave this year we won't be coming back
No more hanging out cause we're on a different track
And if you got something that you need to say
You better say it right now cause you don't have another day
Cause we're moving on and we can't slow down
These memories are playing like a film without sound
And I keep thinking of the night in June
I didn't know much of love, but it came too soon
And there was me and you, and then it got real blue
Stay at home talkin' on the telephone and
We would get so excited, we'd get so scared
Laughing at our selves thinking life's not fair
And this is how it feels
Chorus:
As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change,
From whatever
We will still be, friends forever
So if we get the big jobs and we make the big money
When we look back now, will that joke still be funny?
Will we still remember everything we learned in school?
Still be trying to break every single rule
Will little brainy Bobby be the stockbroker man?
Can Heather find a job that won't interfere with her tan?
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
And this is how it feels
As we go on, we remember
All the times we had together
And as our lives change,
From whatever
We will still be, friends forever
La, la, la la; (repeat) yeah, yeah, yeah
La, la, la, la, (repeat) we will still be friends forever
Will we think about tomorrow like we think about now?
Can we survive it out there? Can we make it somehow?
I guess I thought that this would never end
And suddenly it's like we're women and men
Will the past be a shadow that will follow us 'round?
Will these memories fade when I leave this town
I keep, I keep thinking that it's not goodbye
Keep on thinking it's a time to fly
Repeat chorus 3x
Report book taken back.
English 56 [C5]
Chinese 65 [B3]
Mathematics 70 [A2]
Science 53 [C6]
Geography 58 [C5]
History 62 [B4]
Literature 59 [C5]
D&T 81 [A1]
Home Econ 84 [A1]
Visual Arts 67 [B3]
CME [B]
Total: 655/1000
Percentage: 65.5
Class Position: 19/41
Promoted: 3E1 [Pure Science]
NAPFA: Failed
Comments: Sisi is helpful pupil who can be depended upon to render assistance when necessary.
This was seen from her active involvement in the school's Jumble Sale. She is
creative and is an independent worker. She is committed towards her CCA and
studies.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mum was baptised today :D
When i got home i was super duper shocked!
Cause my house hanged cross. :D
Like wow! Amazing. :D
I kept thinking that things will never change. I thought past
will be forgotten and life is starting a new. But i was wrong....
Who is God to me? I don't know. I really don't know.
Sometimes i really think that God means nothing to me. :/
12:11:00 AM
.Saturday, October 27, 2007
reality is cruel.
12:19:00 AM
.Friday, October 26, 2007
today wasn't a great day for me. results sucks.
really sucks. i hate it! really no mood for the
rest of the day so what if i go 3E1? it doesn't
mean anything with this poor results. Had PDS
training school after school which i don't felt like
going because i really really no mood but still i
went cause i got performance on monday so as
a rehearsal for me.
i feel like crying, really want to cry. i cant hold
on to my tears any longer. Tears will fall hard,
soon. i'm always the one helping others but not
myself. This year is my worst results year, never
had it before and hope that it will never happen
again.
i lost the touch with God completely.
10:39:00 PM
.Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Hoho. :D:D
Today went back school for the science engineering
competition when the others no need to go back due
to promotion day :/ The competition was boring~
Don't even understand what's the competition about,
only the bridge one i understand but we not doing it.
Got myself cut again >,< Don't know how come got
myself cut almost everyday.
真是伤痕儡儡 xD
As life goes on,
I’m starting to learn more and more about responsibility.
I'm trying to run into your arms once again
For i'm ought to live for you.
But as days pass and goes
My faith for you is dropping more and more
It's always easy for new babies to adapt and change
But always harder for the olds to adapt and change.
I'm sorry for what i had done, Forgive me
For i didn't did it on purpose.
Bible,Bible study,Service,Cell group meeting,Quiet time
Out of five, two were long since i last touched it
The rest are doing it right now, but doing it as a routine
The hate to do all this
But still i need to do it for my own good
And since it's for my own good
I need to really do the two that i lost touch with
Need to get back my trust and faith
For i thought i already had
But recently when i reflected back
I realised that i felt the coldness in between
Maybe i had think too much~
Those were the days that the memories stay..
The ups and downs were there, but i stayed strong
Now, i'm totally directly opposite
I just can't figure out how come i'm in this state
Things comes and goes
Life changes every single seconds
I miss those days :/
8:15:00 PM
.Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Pon-ed school today :/ Yea, was too tired
to go school and i overslept too which is
like so Haha. Had slight fever also but now
alright le xD
Okay, i really worried that i can't pass my
english overall ): No more hope for 6As
for EOY anymore and now all i wished for
was to pass all my subjects... Say bye bye
to pure science! ):
Bring me out of the darkness for i had not been walking still.
But i will never forget the everlasting love that you had given.
Sometimes i really think that i don't worth for all this and why
you never let me go even when i hurt you so. I still can't trust
and have faith in you like what i used to be. Maybe, it could be
the reason that, i still not willing to accept you again. I got to
change. Yea i really really got to change, i cannot carry on to be
like this for this was the way that i should be. But still i need to
be willing to do so..
7:54:00 PM
.Monday, October 22, 2007
I used to be unbreakable but now I'm
broken into bits and pieces.
I don't wish to hear anymore lies for
I'm really too sick and tired for it.
I'm trying my hardest to forget about
everything, the everything in my life.
Flying without wings.
Tears fell like snowy day
I hope you know.
Bring me to life and wake me up from
inside out.
❤ Breakaway;
Da da da'd da da
Da da da'd da da
Da da da'd da da da da
Grew up in a small town
And when the rain would fall down
I'd just stare out my window
Dreaming of what could be
And if I'd end up happy
I would pray
Trying hard to reach out
But when I tried to speak out
Felt like no one could hear me
Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I prayed I could breakaway
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget all the ones that I love
I'll take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Da da da'd da da
Da da da'd da da
Da da da'd da da da da
Wanna feel the warm breeze
Sleep under a palm tree
Feel the rush of the ocean
Get on board a fast train
Travel on a jetplane, far away
And breakaway
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
I'll do what it takes till I touch the sky
And I'll make a wish, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
I won't forget all the ones that I love
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Buildings with a hundred floors
Swinging round revolving doors
Maybe I don't know where they'll take me
But, gotta keep moving on, moving on
Fly away, breakaway
I'll spread my wings and I'll learn how to fly
Though it's not easy to tell you goodbye, gotta
Take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Out of the darkness and into the sun
But I won't forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change
And breakaway
Breakaway
Breakaway...
Where are you when i need you the most?
7:32:00 PM
.Saturday, October 20, 2007
Leave me Alone.
I'm still living in the past...
12:18:00 AM
.Thursday, October 18, 2007
Today had 4D amination lesson, quite fun and
it wasn't hard to do cause every time also have
similar course like this. -.-''' After the course
actually planned to go buy things for the
some purposes but received a call from sweetie
so went back school for "training". I can't
memorise! So hard and confusing >,< But i will
try my very best to do it well! xD
After that went for bible study... Don't really
feel like going actually but since i promised
someone than i will surely go the. Yea, bible
study was quite okay not really that boring.
Still don't like bible study actually but still i will go for it, for i
don't wish to disappoint someone (: Wasn't really paying attention
just now although i did respond. Not really sure what i was
thinking but i know that nothing really went into my mind. :/
Been thinking a lot about spiritual life these few days
Been shaken by some people words
And at the same times a lot of feelings are involved
Maybe i shall stop thinking
For i think i had think too much.
7:46:00 PM
.Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Today the whole had golf for post exam activity.
Wasn't interested in it at all but at least i did tried
to play xD I only like the last part where we hit
the ball with the iron head because the rest was
so dame boring~ Hahs.
You know, tomorrow and next monday are
markings day so no school but still i got to go to
school =.= like no holiday at all. got the 4D
animation lesson. Boring~ Waste my holidays
away, i rather sleep at home than go for the IT.
Than supposedly, than wednesday is a holiday too
as it is a promotion day but still, i got to go school
=.= got the science engineering competition, don't
even know what is it about. It's not fair! i got no
holidays at all when it is suppose to be a holiday!
Dame it. @_@
some things need not to be said in order to understood it.
somethings need to be said in order to be understood.
somethings no matter how hard you explained, you won't understand it.
somethings you won't get a chance to explain it.
somethings once you missed it, you will never have the chance for it again.
somethings when hurt you, the scars will never be recovered.
somethings cannot be force, for forcing is equal to unhappiness.
somethings are by fate, when you meant to get it, you will get it.
somethings meant not be in your life, no matter how hard you tried to keep
it, it will still be gone.&& somethings were kept in my heart, where no ones know what is it.
10:02:00 PM
.Tuesday, October 16, 2007
School was fun and boring today. Had
tchoukball from 8am - 11.30am at the
field. The grass was wet and slipery~
But it was fun playing it for i first time
play this sport xD My class very cute,
they said this game is for old folks to
play the cause very slow than the
instructor said it seems like a old folks
game because we played like old folks;
not active enough. After that had health
talk on smoking from 12.30pm to 1.30pm.
I almost fell asleep, the talk was really
very boring and you can see almost
everybody fell asleep or yawning. Yea,
that was all for today and tomorrow
having golf at sembawang. I don't like to
play golf >,<
It is been long ever since i had the feeling of getting wet
under the heavy rain and today i did. While i was on
the way home from wainee's house to take my wallet,
suddenly there was a heavy downpour. Instead of
walking fast and head to a shelter, i stand under the
rain for around 10 minutes. I enjoy being drenched
wet today, it washes all my troubles and uncertain
worries. I hope i will be sick just somehow :/ My heart
suddenly felt very very heavy; like somethings are
troubling me but i don't know what is it.
5:22:00 PM
.Monday, October 15, 2007
I'm once again shaken. Yea, once
again. *sigh*
But i also don't know the reason why i'm shaken.
Just somehow, yea somehow. I wished i know
the reason why. Was listening to the song 'Proud
of you' and i cried but i don't know why. Was
thinking can i really fly?? Maybe i thinking too
much.
❤ Better Man;
Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain
Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man
Go easy on my conscience
'Cause it's not my fault
I know I've been taught
To take the blame
Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man
Once you've found that lover
You're homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around
I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But Love is all around
Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain
Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doin' all I can
To be a better man
8:36:00 PM
.Sunday, October 14, 2007
Harloe :D Today is another reflection day for
me ((: I finally know the reason why i'm still
not use to CHC. Yeah like finally. Uhmm, the
reason is simple and i got to learn to adapt
to a new environment. It is not going to be
easy but i promise i will try. Maybe KL was
right, i should take a step of faith and give it
a try, for if i don't try than i won't know the
result. Sometimes life isn't that complicated
as we thought and sometimes we got to be
more understanding than we thought.
Learning how to read bible, do quiet time and
rely on my leader for the walk but at the same
time i also learning to be independent for i'm
no longer a new christain and i should know
what is right and wrong. As i was reading
through some of my old posts from my old blog,
i didn't realised i wrote this prayer for myself or
should i say i forgot. This is the prayer.
'Lord i prayed that i will stand firm in you, no
matter what happen, i will remember your love
for me, remember that when i'm down, you are
the one who hold me up. Lord i prayed that you
will give me strength, to overcome all the
challenges and difficuties. Lord that i prayed for
your protection over me, help me grow deeper
in you and your everlasting love. In Jesus name
i pray, Amen.'
So today, once again i prayed this prayer
for myself and that i will not fall off to the
pit anymore but instead i will fly higher and
higher to where i belong. And that i could
get high for You once more for i know how
to. Hmm, i guess this should be all for the
day and below is a song which is in my
blog and i love it very much. The lyrics is
very meaningful. The birds love the hunter!
❤ Proud of You;
love in your eyes
sitting silent by my side
going on holding hands
walking through the nights
hold me up, hold me tight
lift me up to touch the sky
teaching me to love with heart
helping me open my mind
i can fly
i'm proud that i can fly
to give the best of mine
till the end of the time
believe me i can fly
i'm proud that i can fly
to give the best of mine
the heaven in the sky
stars in the sky,
wishing once upon a time
give me love, make me smile
till the end of life
hold me up, hold me tight
lift me up to touch the sky
teaching me to love with heart
helping me open up my mind
i can fly, i'm proud that i can fly
to give the best of mine
till the end of the time
believe me i can fly, i'm proud that i can fly
to give the best of mine
the heaven in the sky
can't you believe that you light up my way
no matter how dark is my path
i'll never lose my faith
see me fly
i'm proud to fly up high
show you the best of mine
till the end of the time
believe me i can fly
i'm singing in the sky
show you the best of mine
the heaven in the sky
nothing can stop me
spread my wings so wide
6:43:00 PM
.
IM SORRY =/Once upon a time there was this
little bird who had been free from
the cage and was flying towards
the heaven slowly. But, she was
shoot down for the first time and
there she goes cannot fly. She was
scared and hurt deeply, wanted to
give up flying but here comes
another bird, told her that he will
be there to hold her hands and pull
her all the way till the promise land.
She refused but in order not to
disappoint him, she tried. And indeed
she tried and she is getting her faith
and trust back slowly to fly up to
heaven once again. There she goes,
trying to rely on him for the walk,
trying to tell him all the troubles and
feeling without thinking that he will
tell the others for she trusted him.
But just one day, everything went
k-wired. One big bird came and talked
to her, just than she realized that he had
told someone about it. She was really very
disappointed and started to think that all
birds are the same. Once again, she was
shoot down, not by the hunter but by him.
How cruel can he be to help and shoot her
down? She knows that he cared for her but
he cared in a wrong way. This little bird
don't like people who told others what she
told the person. So she left the crowd and
will there be a happy ending? It is all up to
him.
i hard been thinking hard and deep after the talk. Realizing
that all leaders are the same and understand why people will
say that all church are the same. Somethings when you never
go through it, you will never understand how it feels. In the
beginning you make me realize that you are not the same from
the others but now you affected my point of view for you. I left
now NOT because i following her but at the same time i feel like
leaving too. You are the reasons that we left. It just like you pull
me up from the pit and you pushes me down once again but i dont
blame you for i know you didnt did it on purpose. You cared for us
and we know that but you cared in a wrong way. In what sense?
You need to understand a person well in order for you to care for
that person in a correct way if not there are danger that you will
hurt the person. Just now after that, i really felt like leaving church
for i had enough of all those "shooting" down and everytime that i was
shoot down, its getting harder for me to fly again. But still i decided to
give it another try. i found that its hard to rely on you.
12:18:00 AM
