.Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Thinking hard and deep..Yea indeed it has been a few months that i'm in CHC.. My life had been changing ever since i received Christ no matter which church i went to. I'm happy to see that people around me got impacted by God, its really a wonderful thing. People around me are happy that i continue going church.. But i'm not what you all see from the inside.
Trust? What is it? It's faded away from my dictionary. Trust is just a word to me and it don't mean anything. I used to trust and on fire for Him but as each and everyday that passes, all this had long dropped unexpectedly. I had been pushing myself, pushing myself to go service, cell group meeting, bible study, etc.. For i still held on to the little faith that i had left and because of that, i had been trying, trying to build that faith and trust but..
But i'm really really tired and i mean it. Every time when i'm fallen or shaken off, it's not easy to get back and step into another higher level. One time after another when i was shaken or fallen, it got deeper and harder to get back up. Just like rock climbing, each time you slip off from the tiny stone, it got harder to continue because your energy level is getting lower and lower. Same goes to this. Especially when i fallen or shaken, my faith and trust level dropped too and worst still when my faith and trust level have yet to resume to the acceptable level i fall off again.
It's hard for me to write in words or say in words to explain what i'm experiencing and feeling.. Every time when i was really down and crying, how i wish there's one person standing in front of me to lend me his/her shoulder, comfort me and even pull me up on the spot..
p/s: I know i'm naive but i wishing it to come true..
11:58:00 PM
